Groupon goe$ down and make$ me $ad (pic$)

My mom gets the award for coolest present (didn't know it was a contest did you?)

She said she knew I would like to have a cover of just myself but was nice enough to realize I was too fat and added Jake to the pic. I am obsessed with it. I can't wait until more people see it and tell me how cool I am. Then they can ask where my mom got it and I can tell them I have absolutely no idea. Because I have absolutely no idea.

Everyday I check Groupon (and every site that is like it). Midnight is usually my favorite part of the day. It's when all the deals switch. I check them to see what I will not be buying that day. Or check to see what I will be buying and then never using. A few months before Ke$ha (wow do I feel like an idiot writing it that way) had her show here, Groupon had some deal where you could get tickets for way cheaper. While I debated on buying it (this is before I knew LMFAO was going to be there too), it sold out. I was not pleased with my decision.

Luckily she will be in Seattle when we are there. I also check Seattles site all the time since we go so much. The show is a week from Saturday and still no discounted tickets. What's going on Seattle?? Yesterday my Groupon app didn't work. When it finally did, I checked out Seattle.............

 w.t.f.

On a more pleasant note I fit into the dress I wore to our Seattle reception. Haven't fit into that in years. That might not be a true statement since I also haven't tried it on in years. (see how the dresser behind me is still dirty?)

Oh while I was writing this my second favorite part of the day happened. The mail came and Haylie freaked the F out. She protected our house from the evil mail. She does this every day. Since no one ever comes into our house when the mail person comes, I bet she is very proud of herself for stopping them. I do tend to miss out on important info though.

(Jake's hairy leg, not my hairy leg)

Bus Blog

There are crazy people on the bus. Hopefully people aren't looking at me the same thing. I hate the bus. Hate it. I like driving. However I don't like to pay $28 to park downtown for 4 hours when I will prob be lucky to make $50 in those 4 hours.

Jake is being lovely and being my chauffeur for the next two weeks. Unfortunately he is not lovely at all and will only drive me to the bus stop and not all the way downtown.

I'm hoping during his two weeks off he decides to clean and organize the entire house. It would actually take two weeks since he only has one working hand. And it's his left hand.

The other day I decided I needed to organize the beautiful dresser jake made




That's a 50 inch tv on top of it. The dresser is huge. I've decided it's a good place to store random crap. Shoes, bills, books. Anything but clothes. So I emptied out the drawers filled w crap



Then I decided to leave. Then I got home and organized everything. jk. I rolled it all up into a ball and dumped it in the guest room. That was three days ago. Now I have two rooms to organize

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Broken Jake

Surgery is scheduled for October 12. That's basically a month and a half away. I think. I actually have no idea what the date is today. We might be in September already. Hmm. I like having a job where days and dates don't matter. I also like the non stress of not managing. I haven't been this relaxed in years.

I should be absolutely freaking out. Jake can't work for the next 2 weeks because of his recent hand surgery. And in a month and a half he won't be able to work for 6 months. No clue how I will be able to support us for 6 months. Will I have to give up buying nail polish daily? WILL I HAVE TO GIVE UP STARBUCKS?????????

I need to find another job. Or a second job I should say. I do quite love working at Bridge House Tavern. It's lovely. Aren't there any jobs where I get to keep my clothes on where I can make like $400 a night? Like 6 days a week? I know there are. I've made that before. Help.

I told Jake he has to become a phone sex operator. He has a hot voice. He needs to do something so he isn't bored for 6 months.

Hello please be my friend.

Jen Lancaster. I am obsessed. I read Bitter is the New Black almost a year ago and I'm a little bit confused on why I didn't keep reading her other books. They're literally hysterical. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt while reading Bright Lights, Big Ass.

Now I have to spend the rest of the weekend reading the rest of her books and blog. Luckily since I have no life and read faster than any human, this should take approximately 13 minutes.

Thank you Jen for inspiring me to finally write again. I need to update my diary. I'm trying to put the entire thing in order. So it's more of a story. Unfortunately while 9 year old Kelly was quite funny, I was also quite boring. And I also wrote mean things sometimes that I won't ever put online. Not that anyone I wrote mean things about would ever read it because honestly, I don't even know if they are alive....but still. I hate being mean. Jake is judgemental enough for the both of us.

Now everyone subscribe to this blog because I will post on it 7 times a day and will learn how to write again (just wrote right. Not a good start) and I will be very funny. 


P.S. Soon I will be 30. 30!!!!!!!!!!!!! on 11-11-11. Hopefully it's as wild as my 29th.