Hello please be my friend.

Jen Lancaster. I am obsessed. I read Bitter is the New Black almost a year ago and I'm a little bit confused on why I didn't keep reading her other books. They're literally hysterical. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt while reading Bright Lights, Big Ass.

Now I have to spend the rest of the weekend reading the rest of her books and blog. Luckily since I have no life and read faster than any human, this should take approximately 13 minutes.

Thank you Jen for inspiring me to finally write again. I need to update my diary. I'm trying to put the entire thing in order. So it's more of a story. Unfortunately while 9 year old Kelly was quite funny, I was also quite boring. And I also wrote mean things sometimes that I won't ever put online. Not that anyone I wrote mean things about would ever read it because honestly, I don't even know if they are alive....but still. I hate being mean. Jake is judgemental enough for the both of us.

Now everyone subscribe to this blog because I will post on it 7 times a day and will learn how to write again (just wrote right. Not a good start) and I will be very funny. 


P.S. Soon I will be 30. 30!!!!!!!!!!!!! on 11-11-11. Hopefully it's as wild as my 29th.

Two timing parents

I've just busted my mother. I text her letting her know that the first minute of real housewives of jersey was insane. She let me know I am NOT ALLOWED TO WATCH IT WITHOUT HER. So I asked if she wanted to come over. It is 8:30 which is literally my parents bedtime. She wrote back "i'll come in 15 when dad goes to bed"

What is that???? How can she deceive my dad like that?


My gosh I am so excited she is sneaking around because this season is by far the best season I've seen of ANYTHING. I think that that is my fate. me and jake against my bro and his awesome gf.. and against our dad. But according to rhnj, we win. So i'm fine. As long as I win I am fine with any outcome.

I used to be a sickly child. I was a freshman in high school and missed like 80 days of school (who knew being awesome was a sickness). I missed many a friday night to be sick in bed and have my mom come in my room and hang out and watch Boy Meets World With Me. Actually all of TGIF but that one sticks out the most. I still love that. If Boy Meets World was still on I'd watch it with mi madre every Friday night (unless she was busy. She is way more popular than I am).

Bottom line, watching TV with your mom is fun. Prob more fun than anyone else had tonight. FACT

JTT

One fall day sometime in 7th grade my mother woke me up to tell me we were going to a meet and greet. Who was this amazing meet and greet with? Ooh just



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

JTT

Not an actual diary entry but prob my most prized possession of those years.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I think I'm terrified

I leave a week from today to start my new job training. I will be a manager at a restaurant. In order to be a manager at this restaurant I have to go to Dallas for 5 weeks. In order to become a manager at Cubby Bear they said "do you want to be a manager?" i said "yes" That is the end of the story.

I am beyond excited for this job. I have been so bored forever. But months and months and honestly prob years ago Jake and I decided we wouldn't do this long distance crap again. The first few years we dated we figured it out that we saw each other a total of 3 months in like two years. I said I'd never do it again.

The weird thing is it's not for Jakes job, it's for mine. I am the one that is leaving him. He has to stay and guard Haylie dog. He has to pay our bills. He has to buy the groceries. I am the one that will live out of hotels.

I really can't compare my new job with his life on the road. It isn't even comparable. I won't be in a new city every night. I won't be fighting off the sluts (I'm assuming he did. With a bat. He is way hot. If not I will go back and hit him with a bat).

I will be in a nice hotel for 5 weeks. Actually two hotels due to the Superbowl. Even though I really don't care about football it would be way cool to live in Dallas if the Bears were in the superbowl and the superbowl is in Dallas. I'm assuming some people I know will be there.

Originally Jake had to visit me once. I thought I'd be gone for 4 weeks. But if it's 5 weeks, he will visit me at least twice (and maybe more if he wants to drive his ass to Texas).

So in conclusion, this is what we used to look like

That hair is the most embarrassing part of my life EVER

 Eyeliner contest

 I'm still ok with this and always will be

Things changed a little

On our way to the poor house

I hate being poor. Luckily now that we are poor I realize how god awful I am (was. I'm cured) with money. Finding boxes and boxes full of shoes I've never worn is depressing. I always justified it because I don't buy designer and they'd only cost me like $20-$30. Unfortunately times that by 100 and I was prob better off buying the designer stuff thats actually comfy and I'd wear.

So to ebay I've gone. Selling it all. For 99 cents. My precious shoes are about to be gone. I don't know how we will play dress up (me and friends. Jake hasn't played dress up with me in weeks).

It's the beginning of Friday night. I'm cleaning will listening to Glee. Actually I was doing that. Now I'm blogging while listening to Glee while Robot Downey Jr cleans for me.

Saw a new Roomba at Costco that I need. You can schedule it to clean at specific times. And it goes back onto its charger by itself!

Maybe I should pay my bills first. I keep telling Jake we are about to lose our house because we are so broke. Cause in my head I will still be jobless in a few months and we will have blown through our savings. I think we are safe for a few months.

Worst case scenario Jake can become a hooker. I think I'd make a good pimp

A wild day at the best place on earth

Lighting a bong maybe????? (side note. never smoked in my life)

 bff